Wednesday, November 14, 2007


One of the esteemed readers of this blog wrote to me this morning asking me to expound more on the following statement of my previous writeup: “It is high time we try to decipher how some maladies of personality appear in our children!" In order to benefit the other esteemed readers as well I thought of responding to her important query as separate article: The natural course, I feel, would be first to identify the maladies that our children have thus far developed. Since we always interact with our children we know when exactly do they stumble. Do they keep their promises at home? Do they quote events exactly and with authority? Do their expressions manifest optimism or pessimism? Do they show bravery or cowardice in situations that can be handled by children of their age? Can they sift between an act of rashness and an act of bravery? Do most of their conversations display the color of hope or despair? What do their likes and dislikes portray? These are some of the very many keys to open the door of understanding them. Thereafter we should search for the causes of the negative traits in them. The first area of search is at home: How do we behave with them? Is our encounter humiliating or respectful? In cases of sound pollution, do we shout at them, or do we explain them the consequences of their behavior? Do we deprive them of their healthy likes or do we offer them substitutes? Do we praise them for their good works, even if their flaws cover them, or do we focus on their flaws and negative results? Do we entrust them with work that gradually instills confidence in them or do we undermine them? If we always struggle in the positive direction, and still find the negative traits, we should try to contemplate on their school environment: Who are his teachers? Who is his class teacher? Which teacher does he like the most? Why does he like the teacher? Who are the teachers he hates? Why does he hate them? Is he humiliated in the class by any teacher, because of which he has developed the malady of inferiority complex? Does his low grades and low level of cognition compel the teacher to encounter negatively with him? Who are his friends in class? Why does he like them? Who are his so-called enemies? What do they do? What does the teacher say about him? What does the teacher say about his friends? How do their friends support him? What are the complains of his so-called enemies? Does their information tally with the personality you encounter at home? How can I as an individual with very limited power and resources better the situation in the school? Will the school environment make my child to be respectable in future or despicable? Am I not religiously duty bound to facilitate a better educational environment for my child? These issues are so serious that if we do not attend to them now, future regret would be of no use. If at all we do observe such traits in our children that instead of developing them is literally crushing their personalities, we must immediately and seriously take steps for rectification. One of the motivating forces of training them as human beings is to understand that they are a replica of ourselves. Whatever they do substantially reflects us. These are some of my humble suggestions. The subject is vast, and the foundation starts in the warm laps of the forbearing mother who enjoys a spacious heart.


  1. Jazakallah for responding to my query as a seperate article and Ahsant for your suggestions - i am sure it will be very beneficial to all the other esteemed readers as well.

    Iltemase Dua.

  2. Jazakallah for answering my query as a seperate article and Ahsant for your humble suggestions - I am sure it will be very beneficial to all the other esteemed readers as well.

    Iltemase Dua.

  3. Salaamun Alaikum,

    A very interesting article indeed, every single question posed leads to pondering.
    However, one thing comes to my mind, and something that I've wondered for many months now:

    Where is the balance between Arrogance and Self-confidence ? or put it this way, when can I say I'm teaching him humility or am I destroying his self-esteem ?
    Actually, even on myself ? how can I be sure that when I stand up for something, it is not out of arrogance, and if I don't stand up/say or do something, it is not because i don't believe in myself (i.e i think bad about me, my self-confidence is low) but rather out of humility.

    any advice on practical aspects ?